I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
