i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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