Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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