The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
