If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
