apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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