I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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