I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Pooping to opera.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
