all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
