so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
