How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
