She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
