you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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