So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
