Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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