i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
