It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
