I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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