When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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