sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
