my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
