Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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