i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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