You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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