Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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