Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
