sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
