how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
