Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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