he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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