Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
