My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
