saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
