The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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