Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i think im in europe. pls send help
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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