Where is the hickey?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
