quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
