I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
