I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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