I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize