"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
