You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
