He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
