I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
