apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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