I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
