i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
