my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This baby is an asshole
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
