I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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