Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
