So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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