We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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