Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
