Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
