I need to stop coming to work sober
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
