think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
