She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
