I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
