i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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